


Always Have

by WolfstarPups90



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Awkward First Time, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Gay Sex, Gay Sirius, Jealous Remus, Jealousy, M/M, Oral Sex, Promiscuous Sirius, Questioning Sexuality, Roommates, Tumblr Prompt, straight remus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-11 17:40:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7062946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfstarPups90/pseuds/WolfstarPups90
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius being gay has never bothered Remus. Until he walks in on Sirius and another man and realizes he may have more of a problem than he thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the one and only Siriusly-not-over-Remus on tumblr. They posted an article about a straight guy who suddenly realized he was jealous of his gay roommate's boyfriends. They requested a wolfstar fic based on the story and I was happy to oblige ^_^

Sirius let out a dramatic sigh as he flung himself onto the couch in his and Remus’ shared flat, careless to the fact that his roommate was already comfortably seated.

“Oof!” A gust of air forcibly escaped Remus as he was assaulted with a lap full of his friend. “Sirius, you oaf…get off.” He tried to shove the other man’s legs off his lap, but he wouldn’t budge.

“Aw, Moony! You know you love nothing more than to have me on top of you.” Sirius grinned and threw in a flirty wink.

Remus rolled his eyes, but the corner of his mouth twitched up slightly. “Oh of course, darling. But be that as it may, I actually do need to get up. Move.”

Sirius refused. “What? You’ve got a hot date or something?” He gasped. “Remus John Lupin, are you cheating on me?” He clutched at his heart. “I’m wounded.”

Finally managing to escape from the confines of his friend’s legs, Remus stood. “I’m afraid so, Padfoot. Alas, our love was never meant to be.” He headed into the bathroom.

Moments later, Sirius was leaning against the door frame. “Shaving?” He observed, eyeing Remus up and down suspiciously. Then realization washed over him. “You really _do_ have a hot date tonight, don’t you!”

Remus paused mid stroke. “Always the tone of surprise…I’m not a monk, Sirius. I’m just not as… _active_ as you.”

The shorter man grinned deviously. “Calling me a slut, Re?”

Remus snorted and continued to shave his face. “I’m just saying it was no secret in school that you slept with every ‘bi-curious’ guy that crossed your path.”

Sirius giggled and gave a little shrug. “I was doing them a favor, Moons. Helping them figure themselves out.” He stepped forward and tapped his friend’s backside playfully. “Offer always stands if you wanted to give it a go.”

“Sirius, I have a razor on my face, you twat.” Remus grumbled. “And sorry to disappoint, but I’m still straight.”

Sirius groaned “Yes, I know, I know, and how dreadful that must be for you…” He was silent for a moment. “So who’re you going out with? Do I know her?”

Remus toweled off his face and tossed the cloth into the hamper. “Yeah. Mary.” He side-stepped past the darker haired man and headed towards his room to change. Sirius followed.

“Mary MacDonald? Merlin, she’s been after you since third year!”

Remus pulled off his t shirt and grabbed one of the least worn button downs he owned, and even that one had fraying threads and was severely faded. He could feel Sirius’ eyes on him. Not that it bothered him. They had known each other so long and lived together at school and of course Sirius had seen him naked in the dorm or after his transformations in the shack. Sirius being gay had never phased their friendship and Remus had actually grown quite fond of the playful flirting. Sirius flirted with everyone.

“…Remus Lupin I am not letting you leave this flat wearing that shirt.” Sirius’ voice was dead panned.

Remus was about to argue, but Sirius was already out the door, crossing the hall to his own bedroom. He returned moments later holding a black shirt with some sort of designer label that probably cost more than everything Remus owned. He shoved the hanger into the werewolf’s hands.

“You want to impress the girl, don’t you? Wear that. I want you to get laid tonight, Moons.”

Remus snorted “Why the sudden investment in my sex life?”

“Because I know for a fact that it’s been far too long,” Sirius’ eyes narrowed. “You and…what’s her face…Lisa, Liza-”

“Lizzie.”

“-Right, that bird- you ended, what, seven months ago? And I know you don’t just go giving it up to anyone. Mary’s a nice girl, you’ve known her for ages. Treat yourself to some physical satisfaction, Moony.” He winked once more before turning and leaving the room.

-

 Mary was a nice girl. That much was absolutely true. And it was also true that she had made her interest in Remus quite clear early on in their friendship. Remus, however, always had a reason not to pursue it. At least, he thought he had reasons. At least back then he had told himself it was because he was a werewolf, and dating was simply not in the cards. He couldn’t expect a girl to just be alright with that.

And besides, no one could do for him what his friends had done. So why bother?

Now that school was through and the world kept turning, he had begun to feel a little lonely. James and Lily were engaged, Peter and Emmeline were looking to share a flat and Sirius…well he was certainly never lonely, that was for sure.

So he was giving the whole dating thing a shot.

And so far, he couldn’t help but believe that he had been right all along in not bothering.

Mary was a nice girl, and the date itself had been pleasant, but Remus really couldn’t imagine anything going any further with her.

He put the apartment key into the hole and turned the knob. Maybe if Sirius was home they could down a few firewhiskeys and watch a muggle film on the small television set they had bought. He opened the door.

Sirius was home. But he wasn’t alone.

The lights were dim, but Remus could clearly see his friend, shirtless and straddling the lap of an equally shirtless and quite fit looking young man. Both men were moaning.

Remus watched, frozen, as Sirius tilted his head back to let his partner kiss and bite at the column of his throat. The man’s hands were roaming all over Sirius’ bare chest and back, making him arch up and roll his hips.

Remus felt sick.

Quickly he flicked the lights on.

“Shit,” Sirius swore, putting one hand on his… _friend’s_ …chest to stop him. He turned to look at Remus. “Sorry, mate.” He smirked. “I didn’t expect you home so early. Date didn’t go well?”

Remus was speechless. “I…um…I mean…it was alright I guess…I…” His mouth felt so dry suddenly.

Sirius was watching him, utterly amused.

“Sorry. This is my roommate, Remus.” He told the man beneath him. “Remus, this is Benji. My boyfriend.”

 _Boyfriend_?

Remus didn’t say anything. He just stood in the doorway.

Sirius frowned and stood up, fixing his mussed hair, but not bothering to button up his fly. “Uh…we’ll just continue this in my room, eh?” He gave Remus one last confused look before disappearing into his bedroom with Benji.

Remus took a deep breath and went into the kitchen, immediately pouring himself a glass of water and chugging it down. He couldn’t understand where this feeling in his gut had suddenly come from. In the nine years he had lived with Sirius, between Hogwarts and sharing a flat, they had both walked in on each other in some compromising positions. Why had this been so different? Perhaps Sirius had been right, maybe he did need to get laid…

-

 The following morning was blanketed by an awkward silence between the two of them.

They didn’t joke around.

They didn’t pretend to flirt.

They barely made eye contact or spoke much other than a muttered “Pass the orange juice,” from Remus over the breakfast table.

Their hands brushed as Sirius passed the carton and Remus flinched.

Sirius slammed his hand down on the table. “Alright what the fuck is your problem, Lupin?”

Remus didn’t look up from his toast. “Nothing. I haven’t got a problem.”

“ _Bullshit_.” Sirius spat, folding his arms and leaning back in his chair. “You haven’t been able to even look at me since you walked in yesterday. So what is it? What’s your problem?”

He felt it again, that horrible tightness in his chest as the memory of the night before flooded his mind. The man’s hands all over Sirius, Sirius moaning and grinding against him. He shuddered.

“You have your own bedroom, you know.” Remus said coldly. “Do you have to bring your flavor of the week home and flaunt it all over the living room?”

The other man looked completely taken aback. “What? You can’t be serious!” The front legs of Sirius’ chair fell to the ground with a loud thud. “The amount of times I’ve come home to you and Leanne-”

“Lizzie-”

“- shagging like bloody bunnies on the couch or, I don’t know, in the shower!”

“That was different.” Remus’ voice seemed to be working without his brain’s consent.

Sirius’ eyes widened in disbelief. “ _Shit_ …what, Remus? Because I’m _gay_? Are you _fucking kidding_ -”

“Not because you’re gay!” Remus insisted angrily. “Lizzie was my girlfriend. Not just some random person I was never going to speak to again-”

“I believe I introduced Benji to you as my _boyfriend_ , Remus!” Sirius stood then, his chest heaving with angry breaths.

Remus’ stomach churned. “ _Boyfriend_?” He scoffed. “Sirius Black doesn’t have boyfriends.” He said cooly.

“I don’t, do I?” Sirius actually sounded hurt. But Remus couldn’t stop now.

“No. You don’t. You just sleep around with all these bloody men you meet here or there and fuck if anyone gets hurt. Sex is nothing to you, Sirius! But guess what, it means something to people! Some people need to be more careful about who they open to up to! Some people want to be _loved,_ Sirius!”

They both stared at each other for a long, horribly silent moment.

“I’m going out,” Remus said finally. “Sorry. I just need…I need to think.” He grabbed his keys and left Sirius standing there alone.

-

 “I don’t know what came over me, Lily.” Remus shakily ran a hand through his hair as he sat across from the redhead at the kitchen table in her’s and James’ flat.

“It’s never bothered me before. Sirius has always been…well…”

“Slutty?” Lily offered with a knowing smirk.

Remus let out a small laugh. “For lack of a better word, yeah.” He sighed. “I’ve seen him with men before. I don’t understand why this suddenly made me want to…puke, or die or punch them both in the face, I don’t know.”

Lily stirred her tea thoughtfully. “He really called the man his boyfriend?”

Remus had to consciously stop himself from gagging at the word. He nodded.

“Hm…well, that’s certainly different.” She commented lightly. “Did he seem like a nice guy?”

 Remus stared blankly at her. “I didn’t exactly start chatting him up about his prospects or anything, Lily. But you know Sirius! He’s always fooling around with these random men who just see him as this pretty little thing in leather pants! They aren’t good enough for him, they certainly don’t deserve-”

“And who is good enough for him?” Lily interrupted suddenly, an odd look in her eyes.

Remus sputtered. “What?”

The girl shrugged “I mean…if you could pick an ideal partner for Sirius, who would it be? What makes these guys Sirius brings home so unworthy?”

Remus sat there, mouth agape, trying to come up with something to say. “I just…well…”

“Just a shot in the dark, Remus…” Said Lily, seeming like she was putting a lot of thought into how she wanted to word herself. “But did you ever consider that maybe it’s because you’re jealous?”

He blinked. “Jealous? Why? Because Sirius is getting laid and I’m n-”

Lily laughed. “No, you prat. Not of Sirius. Of his boyfriend.”

“Ugh, please Lily don’t call him his boyfriend-”

“See? You can’t stand the idea that Sirius may actually be in a relationship.” She looked rather pleased with herself. “It’s never bothered you before, or at least not as much, because those men didn’t mean anything to Sirius. And frankly, you weren’t ready for anyone to mean anything to you. But now you’re putting yourself out there and it’s not working with anyone, _because you don’t want it to_ , and Sirius suddenly has a boyfriend. You’re _jealous_ , Remus.”

 

-

When Remus entered the flat later that night, Sirius was sitting on the couch alone.

“Remus-”

“Sirius, wait…” He put up a hand to silence his friend. “I want to apologize. I…I said some really hurtful things to you before and I shouldn’t have treated you that way.”

Sirius bit his lower lip. Remus had the sudden urge to bite it for him…

“It’s alright, Moony…But…I’ve been thinking, maybe it’s time I moved out.”

“W-what?” Remus’ heart sank. “Why would you-”

“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable,” Remus opened his mouth to argue but Sirius continued. “Whether to because I’m gay or because of…how much I sleep around…it makes you uncomfortable and it’s not fair to you. You were right,” he sighed and nervously rubbed the back of his neck. “I do treat sex like its nothing and I don’t have feelings for these people and I suppose I do it because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to find someone that I love as much as-” There was pain in Sirius’ eyes. “Nevermind, the reason wasn’t important. The point is, I spent a lot of time wanting something I couldn’t have, so I guess I over compensated.” He stood up and walked past Remus without looking at him, heading towards his bedroom. “I’m going to start looking for my own place.”

Remus swallowed hard, staring at Sirius’ back.

“What do you mean you spent time wanting something you couldn’t have?”

Sirius turned, sighing. “I really don’t want to make this any worse than it already is, Moony. Forget I said anything, alright?”

“No, I want to know.” Remus said firmly, walking quickly to meet the other man. “You didn’t think you’d find anyone you love as much as who, Sirius?”

They were standing face to face now. Inches apart and both breathing heavily from the overwhelming emotions.

Sirius shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. Let it go, Remus.”

“I can’t!” Shouted Remus, actually causing the shorter man to gasp in surprise. “I can’t just _let it go_ , Sirius because the reason I can’t seem to make it work with anyone else is because I will never find anyone that I love as much as I love you!” As the words escaped him, he felt the tightness in his chest ease slightly. Suddenly years worth of feelings he had kept repressed flooded over him. He loved Sirius. He had always loved Sirius. He-

He was kissing Sirius.

Or Sirius was kissing him. Honestly, he wasn’t sure which one of them had closed the space between them but it didn’t matter because it was happening. Their hands were everywhere, tongues sliding against each other, breath coming out in short, desperate gasps. Remus pinned him against the door to his bedroom, breaking the kiss and resting their foreheads against each other.

“I love you, Sirius. I always have. Please don’t leave…”

Sirius laughed breathlessly. “I love you too…probably since the moment I met you…and now that I’ve got you, I’m never going anywhere.”


	2. Deleted Smut scene because I am trash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because I have an unhealthy obsession with these two dorks and their sex life, I can’t seem to write a fic without them fornicating….so…without further ado, here’s the smutty scene I decidedly left out

_He was kissing Sirius._

_Or Sirius was kissing him. Honestly, he wasn’t sure which one of them had closed the space between them but it didn’t matter because it was happening. Their hands were everywhere, tongues sliding against each other, breath coming out in short, desperate gasps._

_Remus pinned him against the door to his bedroom, breaking the kiss and resting their foreheads against each other. "I love you, Sirius. Please don’t leave…”_

_Sirius laughed breathlessly. “I love you too…and now that I’ve got you, I’m never going anywhere.”_

They kissed again, slower this time and not as aggressive. Sirius’ tongue flicked across Remus’ lips, begging for access which was quite happily given to him.

Remus moaned softly, his hands coming to rest on Sirius’ hipbones and pulling their bodies flush against each other just as one of Sirius’ legs hooked around his own. Remus let out a soft gasp of surprise as their groins met for the first time, feeling what was almost like electricity surge through him as he felt his best friend’s arousal against his own through their clothes.

He growled deep in his throat, lifting the smaller man up, holding him between his own body and the door. Sirius’ other leg wrapped around him for support and his hands buried themselves in Remus’ hair.

“Fuck,” Remus breathed, trying to think clearly through the haze of lust and emotion. “We…we should probably get to a bed or s-something- _ah, Sirius_!” He hissed as Sirius’ teeth grazed the spot where his neck met his shoulder.

“Yeah?” Sirius’ head snapped up, his grey eyes looked hopeful and just a little surprised. Then he forced a laugh, clearly trying to lighten the mood as he tightened his legs around Remus for a moment. “Why not right here against the door? Seemed to be working for you.” He smirked.

Remus pressed their lips together briefly. “Wanna do this right…” Honestly, it was because he was terrified, and at least a bed was familiar territory. But Sirius’ eyes softened with a look that was slightly foreign to him. Almost relieved. He reached down and opened the door to his bedroom and the next thing he knew he was being thrown onto his bed.

Remus ripped off his own shirt and climbed onto the bed, covering Sirius’ already shirtless body with his own. Now it was all hunger and they kissed with so much enthusiasm their tongues met outside their mouths. Their teeth clashed and Sirius moaned loudly when Remus bit down on his lower lip.

Remus’ hands wouldn’t stop. They roamed over the other man’s chest and down his sides, his fingers brushed over a nipple and Sirius arched up against him. It was much different than anything Remus had experienced with the few girls he had even allowed himself to get this far with. Girls were soft and curvy and gentle, for the most part. Sirius was all hard, toned muscle under his hands and rough, raw passion and need.

His fingers stopped at the hem of Sirius’ jeans and he hesitated for only a second before popping the button loose and pulling down the zipper. Sirius raised his hips to help him tug the tight fitting denim down until he could kick them off.

“Shit,” Remus panted, staring down at the now completely naked man beneath him. “Honestly, Sirius…have you ever heard of underwear?"

Sirius chuckled and shrugged. "I don’t believe in wearing more than necessary, Moony. You know that.” His expression sobered. He licked his lips, hands moving to the loose jeans that hung low on Remus’ hips. Their eyes met for a moment before Remus nodded and helped Sirius remove his last articles of clothing.

They had both seen each other naked many times before. In the showers at school, changing in the dorms, skinny dipping in the lake behind the Potter’s house over the summer. But never like this.

Sirius was beautiful. Everyone knew that. Pale skin over tight muscle and thick, midnight black hair. Sirius could have anyone he wanted. In fact, Remus was sure he pretty much had had anyone he ever wanted. He suddenly felt very insecure with his skinny body and scars…

Sirius must have sensed it because he grabbed Remus’ face with both hands and gently pressed their lips together. “Do you know how gorgeous you are, Moony?"

Remus grimaced "I’m not-”

Sirius shook his head. “Shut up. Kiss me."

As they kissed, Remus felt the insecurities start to fade. What was there to be worried about? This was Sirius. His best friend. There was no one on the planet he was more comfortable with than Sirius. Feeling quite a fair bit more bold, Remus allowed his hand to travel down until his fingers found the hard, hot flesh of Sirius’ erection. They both gasped.

"I…” Remus bit his lip. “I have no idea what I’m doing, you know…” He closed his hand around the shaft and have a few experimental pumps. Sirius’ eyes fluttered closed and he moaned.

“Well, beginners luck then.” He grinned. “You always were a fast learner.”

Remus laughed nervously and continued, trying to think of what he liked himself. His eyes were glued to Sirius’ face. He had never felt so turned on in his life…

“I want…” He swallowed. “I want to…” Fuck, what did he want? He wasn’t even sure he knew. But Sirius could read him like a book, and he slowly brought his legs apart.

“So do it.” There was almost a hint of a dare behind Sirius’ voice. It actually made Remus laugh.

“I’m not sure I can…” He cursed his voice for sounding so panicked. Then Sirius sat up slightly. Was he changing his mind?

“Relax,” He muttered, kissing just under Remus’ chin. He shifted, switching their positions so that he was on top.

“Whoa,” Now Remus was really panicking. “I definitely don’t think I could-”

Sirius laughed and rolled his eyes. “Moony, calm down.” He leaned in and nuzzled his neck before he began to kiss down his throat to his chest and lower. “I’m just helping you relax.” His tongue dipped teasingly into Remus’ navel and continued downward.

Remus’ head fell back onto the pillows the moment Sirius’ mouth closed around his erection. His hand immediately tangled in the long dark hair of his best friend and tightened when he felt Sirius’ tongue swirl around the tip. And then Sirius moaned around him, sending vibrations all through his body and his hips involuntarily bucked up, seeking more of the hot, wet heat.

“ _Fuuuuuuck_ ,” He groaned as Sirius slowly pulled away, leaving his length wet with saliva and wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. “You…you’re really good at that."

Sirius winked at him. "Practice makes perfect, Mister Moony."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Slut.”

Sirius shrugged it off and moved up the bed, pulling Remus back on top of him. He took the werewolf’s wrist and brought his hand up to his lips. He locked eyes with Remus, smirked just a tiny bit, and took his fore and middle fingers into his mouth, making quite a show of how deeply down his throat he could get them.

Remus was suddenly very aware that he wasn’t breathing, completely mesmerized by whatever it was that Sirius was doing, and only dared to take a breath once his fingers were released, wet and slick, from the other man’s mouth.

Sirius rested once again against the pillows and Remus settled on his knees between his legs, suddenly very aware of exactly what Sirius’ ministrations had been leading to.

When Remus’ fingers slid in, they both moaned.

Sirius’ eyes were closed and his lips were just slightly parted. His hips arched up off the bed. “Keep going…”

Fuck, he felt so tight and hot. Remus moved his fingers in and out, carefully scissoring them to stretch the puckered muscle. He crooked his fingers just slightly and

“ _Ah! Yes._ There!” Sirius’ hands gripped the sheets below him. “Oh fucking Merlin, Moony. I need you in me.”

“Fuck,” Remus breathed, he was sure he was going to die from Sirius’ words alone.

“That’s the general idea,” Sirius quipped, though his voice was strained and desperate.

Remus managed to roll his eyes at him. He slowly removed his fingers and crawled up the length of Sirius’ body, positioning himself and pressing just slightly against his hole. They both took a deep breath in and Remus pushed forward.

“Merlin,” Remus groaned. “Oh fuck you’re tight, Padfoot…”

Oh this was much different than anyone else Remus had been with. The heat from Sirius’ body was nearly overwhelming. Once he was fully sheathed inside him, he bent and caught Sirius’ parted lips between his own.

He started slowly, but as they began to find a rhythm he found himself thrusting harder and faster. Sirius wrapped his legs around him, pulling him closer and digging his nails into his back.

“ _Oh Remus_ …gods, yes, more…” Sirius moaned, and Remus didn’t think it was possible but he felt the other man’s muscles tighten around him.

“Sirius…” It was too much. “I’m going to-”

“Me too…” Sirius’ mouth latched onto Remus’ neck, kissing and biting. “Fuck, touch me…”

Using one hand on the mattress to steady himself, he slid the other between their sweat slicked bodies and wrapped his fingers around Sirius’ neglected cock.

They both came at once and Remus collapsed heavily on top of Sirius. For a long while they lay like that, panting and still tangled up in each other as their bodies rapidly cooled. Finally, and with a lot of effort, Remus rolled off the other man so they now we’re lying side by side. Sirius propped himself up on his side, a lopsided smile on his face.

“Moony…”

“Hmm?”

“Will you be my boyfriend, then?"

Remus laughed. "That seems like a rather rhetorical question at this point, don’t you think?”

Sirius cuddled up to him, nuzzling his nose into the crook of his neck. “Humor me. I’ve not done this properly before.”

Remus kissed the top of his head. “Yeah Pads. I’ll be your boyfriend.”

“I love you, Remus."

"I love you too, Sirius. Always have.”


End file.
